Holiday Wishes

Photo by Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Well, it’s the holiday season, and we all know what that means. Bringing dead evergreens inside the house so as to cure you of the ills of not having fire hazards in your home. In the spirit of remembering the destitute, a blizzard of gifts so excessive it threatens to bury the random evergreen. In the spirit of remembering the hungry, a meal so enormous it can feed a small country. Credit card bills so giant they can fund said small country. That once a year feeling of genuine warmth that can only be generated by spending time with loved ones, with whom you share the time honored tradition of renewing grievances accumulated across the years. Old socks filled with random doodads. And of course, a fat jolly old man with a massive toy factory at the North Pole, staffed by unpaid laborer elves who work year round to make toys for all the world’s children. The fat jolly old man operates what is apparently the most advanced surveillance state on earth as he endeavors to discover which children are naughty and which are nice. He rewards the nice ones by breaking and entering their homes. Given the time allotted for the task and the number of children in the world, apparently the amazing fat burglar manages to accomplish his fun felonies at an astonishing rate of 80,000+ homes per second, every second, without rest or bathroom breaks. He manages this partly due to the help of what are apparently mutant freak reindeer which have discovered anti-gravity.

In the spirit of this wondrous season, I have a few gifts for some lucky Gang Green Nation members and others. I hope you like them.

For John B: New jokes that don’t require two teams tying or spelling archipelagaroppolo

For Njb45: Jokes that stay below your head, where they belong

For yowizeguy: A lifetime supply of conditional draft picks

For SioneBaaaoooha:

For shiff71: A lifetime supply of recs for anything mentioning Sam Darnold in a positive light

For Traveling Man: A tirade to remember, and a 53 man roster populated entirely with offensive linemen

For Gase Better Win Now: A billboard of your own

For westcoastjet: A family farm

For Crackback: A Jamal Adams action figure

For JoCat: A game thread in which you never think the Jets are doomed

For Manish Mehta: A new Jets head coach, who also doesn’t talk to you

For newman104: a long thread in which you and Njb45 do nothing but agree with one another whole-heartedly

For Scott Salmon: A bobdolethesnapplelady action figure

For Broadway Jose: A Brad and Angie expose’

For Barnaby8787: Forbearance when I don’t read something thoroughly

For Trinity15: A Tim Tebow comeback

For Deep Maye: muscles

For IMissFatRex: Fat Rex

For riverside the great: Good health, a roster populated solely by Mountain Westies, and just a little more optimism if you please, you old curmudgeon, you

For GenoTime7: A lifetime supply of internets to bet with

For jbigs07: a sunny day, keepin’ the clouds away

For AFCxxBEAST: a book

For JetsFanOverseas: Twitter: It’s tougher to solve than Rubik’s Cube

For gbrowne2307 and BrianFromTheCape: John Idzik action figures. They’re always half price, and they don’t do much, but they’re better than the alternatives!

For GangGreenRCR: A Pete Carroll breakout year

For LanceMehl: Sarcasm font

For Thomas Christopher: Freedom from the dreaded TANLAN curse

For JetsAllTheWay: Less typing

For the Patriots and their fans: a fully guaranteed 5 year $175 million extension for Tom Brady

For all GGNers and Jets fans every where: a playoff berth in 2020, Sam Darnold’s development into a franchise quarterback, and a Super Bowl title in our lifetimes

And for the thousands of you who make this a great place to spend some time every day who didn’t get mentioned by name here, my sincere apologies and my deepest gratitude. I wish all of you nothing but the best this holiday season and throughout the new year. Thank you all for making the GGN staff a part of your lives. Thank you all for putting up with my dumb jokes. On behalf of the entire GGN staff, our warmest holiday wishes.

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