No, the Seahawks aren’t trading for Myles Garrett

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Photo by: 2019 Nick Cammett/Diamond Images via Getty Images

Don’t believe everything you read.

I’ve sat idly by throughout Monday watching some sections of Seahawks Twitter really engrossed with a rumor on the Seattle Seahawks Reddit page that star Cleveland Browns pass rusher Myles Garrett was going to be traded to Seattle.

The “source” of this rumor goes by the username “EveryoneLovesNudez.” Some may say that “EveryoneLovesNudez” is the Ted Koppel of Reddit journalism, others may say that this username was the x-rated fanfic version of the classic television show “Everybody Loves Raymond. This person’s supposed claim to fame was that he broke the news of Justin Britt’s release before reporters did, therefore providing reason for us to pay close attention.

This even led to a call-in on Sports Radio KJR, where the words “Thank you EveryoneLovesNudez we appreciate you being our Seahawks insider” were uttered on a live, actual broadcast.

THIS GUY JUST SAID MYLES GARRET ON RADIO pic.twitter.com/cVfiFFdlLk

— Vount Condotta ‍ (@vountee) May 11, 2020

Combing through the replies in Reddit, some other dude (not EveryoneLovesNudez) posted some nonsense that Seattle would give up K.J. Wright, a second- and seventh-rounder, while getting a sixth-rounder in return. The Browns would then fold the franchise for a trade that remarkably stupid. John Schneider works miracles but even that one is hard to fathom.

Garrett has racked up 30.5 sacks through three seasons, and that’s including the shortened 2019 after he tried to KO Mason Rudolph with his own dislodged helmet. He’s one of the premier pass rushers in the sport. In a dream world, the Seahawks getting him while he’s still on his rookie deal would be amazing.

But we live in the real world, and an actual NFL reporter came in and extinguished that load of nonsense.

As much as I don’t want to break up the entertaining twitter brouhaha between #Browns and #Seahawks fans, Myles Garrett isn’t being traded to Seattle. Cleveland is working hard on an extension. Garrett will be shot to Mars in a rocket before he’s dealt to Seattle. Not. Happening.

— Charles Robinson (@CharlesRobinson) May 11, 2020

Then “EveryoneLovesNudez” outed himself as just some Green Bay Packers fan who’s bitter over Fail Mary and that this was all made up. In fact I’m going to post it in full because it’s absolutely amazing:

Since the Fail Mary, and now i have gotten my revenge.

I do know a player on the team and the Britt news was legit. I used that to fabricate a trade and see how far I could go with it...

I have pulled off the bamboozle to end all bamboozles, and I will be inducted into the bamboozle Hall of Fame.

I got to go on-air on a Seattle radio station, I have all of Twitter buzzing, I have national reporters talking about this news, I turned the nfl media world upside down in just a few hours.

I understand that some (most) of you will be furious after this, but it was all in good fun. In a world with a pandemic and being under quarantine, I brought a little hope and fun to a fan base. I hope that’s at least a little understood.

I apologize for the bamboozles, you can all start to bash me now.

And as always, GO PACK GO.

I’m actually lost for words that we reached that ending. He’s obviously been banned from that Reddit for life.

Anyway, carry on with your day. I leave you with these photos.

Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

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